Unfinished Stories
Today, I am sharing something a bit different with you. Well, it still has to do with art, photography, and self-expression, so maybe it is not so different after all.
Five years ago, I was going through a really difficult time: my mom had just died, I suffered from an undiagnosed and untreated autoimmune disease, and all of this during the strangest time for us all - the pandemic.
During that time, I felt like an alien to myself. Like a bystander in my own head, listening to thoughts that didn’t sound like mine and having emotions that didn’t feel like mine. I had never experienced something like this before, and it was worrisome. I didn’t know whether the state of the world or the state of my own body and mind was more troubling to me.
Words, as so often, fail to express how I felt. And as so often, I turned to art - to explore, understand, and express myself. At that time, I worked a lot with collage and assemblage alongside photography, so my little studio was filled with all sorts of ephemera, found objects, and photographs. Plenty of different materials to try turning those feelings into something visual - something that would help me understand what was going on, and maybe even release some of those feelings and thoughts that felt so alien to me.
Over time, I slowly felt better and put the work aside.
After my dog Ben died -six months ago now- I brought out the project again. “Project” might be the wrong word, though. It was more like an assortment of loose thoughts visualized on paper. Still, I gathered the pages and decided to work on them some more, eventually bringing them together into a book - although it rather feels like a chapter than a complete book.
As I flip through the pages now, I can still feel how heavy and strange that time was for me. The sense of alienation is gone, but the heaviness still lingers today, though for different reasons. Lately, I feel drawn to this work again - this way of expressing myself. Maybe it is time to create another chapter.
That’s all from me today.
As always, thank you for being here! ❤️
X,
Susanne
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As an aside, I am always impressed with your language. I know English is not your native tongue, but anyone would be hard pressed to know that from your writing. You always express your deep emotions in English flawlessly.
this happens to the best of us and to me, i go back an repeat what i say a lot: creativity is a beast that eats us from inside screaming to get out. in what form it gets out it doesn't matter. to give you some examples: brian adams is not just a musician, is also a good photographer; sir anthony hoppkins is not just an actor, is also a good painter; susanne is not just a photographer and a zine queen 😊